The Best Birthday Present

I get my wish. Is it going to be easy? Not as easy as I thought. You are a different person. I'm not sure if I understand who you are or what you have become. Its strange to me how close we are but how close we are not. I don't understand...but I don't need to.

I'm a beautiful woman. You are handsome man. What kind of sick joke is this that we aren't attracted to each other? Something is not right. We fullfill each others needs except for the physical. We must go outside for satisfaction. Odd. Strange. I sit here scratching my head, what is wrong with us?

I'm so close to you. Closer to you than anyone else. Except you can't fulfill my one need nor do you need to. Is it fair to the them...the others to have a relationship with you this strong? I don't know if it is fair to me, you, or them but I will leave it as is. I will take this one day at a time....sometimes one hour at a time. Maybe we will grow up. Maybe we will see where this went wrong. Maybe this is something I don't have an explanation for.

In 5 months I doubt you will call. In 5 months this won't even matter. In 5 months I will laugh at myself, pick up the pieces, and move on.

8:30p.m.

You make my day with the clicking of time. Tick. Tick. Tick. A bomb is about to explode or not. You aren't here. Where are you? A billion possibilities run through my mind to worst or to the least worst. Are you ok? You scare me to death!

No words. No voice. No digital communication. I'm waiting for you. To hear you! Tick. Tick. Tick. I imagine who you are, what you are, and everything else that my mind requires of you to fill in the blank.

My mind twirls around. I feel sick. I need to run or hide! Run!

Surprise

Chaos running through my veins. I meet you, wonderful, beautiful you. Is God so kind to give me a second chance? Is this too good to be true? I don't have answers for my questions. Would God bless me with you? Should I even be trusted with your heart? I may break it.....or mine in doing so.

Life is a series of opportunities, two day walks, and bubble tea. Nonsensical talk here. I can't explain the feelings inside of me. Tell me more! Please explain to me what just happened? Crash! Burn! Collapse!

I run towards you in my heart while my butt stays planted. Sip. Sip. Sip. Oh how I love thee my decaf soy sugar free vanilla latte.....did I say tall or grande?

Dreams

This is supposed to be the best year of my life; instead it is a nightmare chasing me throughout the day. Where is my friend behind the mask? I know you are there somewhere and that is why I still care. Do they know you? Do they really know you? I run but you follow me.

Working, cleaning, sleeping, I can't get rid of you. Everything is a failure in my life because you aren't it. I may succeed but that is not due to me. I still don't know where it went wrong. I fail because I failed you.

I want a dream! A happy dream that doesn't involve you creeping into every corner of my life. Is that too much to ask for? You ruin me and now you infiltrate what little I have left. I hope you are glad that you have succeeded! You conquer hearts but you will not have mine.

Great Movie Quote

Three days ago, I loathed you. I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab. Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska and things started to changed. Things changed when we kissed. And when you told me about your tattoo. Even when you checked me out when we were naked. But I didn't realize any of this, until I was standing alone... in a barn... wifeless. Now, you could imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country. So Margaret, marry me, because I'd like to date you.

Awake

I see the chair empty. I take a second look...imagining you there with that bright smile. The sparkle of life has vanished. I’m not afraid of the truth but I’m screaming at the top of my lungs for you. Although my life sits in a pile of tears and crumpled dreams, I stand strong. I escape the stereotype of a domestic and look to you, oh God, take this pain away from me, I can’t bear the thought of you not in my life. Why did God create me, if all that was meant to be is internal suffering for days on end? 32 days. 32 of the worst days of my life.

The smell of you has vanished. I see all those cute couples and I know we shared a love deeper as friends that few will comprehend. You disappointment surrounds my chest...I love you and I can’t explain why. I’m ruined. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. I could wake up every day and never get sick of you.

I refuse to give up hope, even if you are a jerk at times. I try not to think about you. I moved on and then you do this. I want to quit but the wind tells me to stay. I won’t leave my dreams for you. My shattered heart doesn’t feel the truth.

I thought I didn’t care. I told myself not to care because you would just leave like everybody else does. How silly was I to think my feelings would go away. I cannot apologize for falling in love. Awake my sleeping princess. Awake.

A New Day WIth No Mistakes in it Yet

Me and my blog, no followers, yet one day social media may take over the world! Its crazy to imagine that so many people write whats going on in their life instead of real friends? Have I been reduced to this? or is this just the beginning?